It’s funny how ignorance can spoil a day, it makes it difficult to breathe in without a care. What I found even funnier today was the lies just seems to keep coming. I am not who I thought I was to the people who claim love for me. What I am is the person they feel a need to lie to.

I’ve come to realize that it isn’t really them that the problem stems from. Its me.

Regardless, if they can’t handle me then leave me instead of lying to me.

I thought I had an idea of who I am surrounded by. Instead what I learn is the opposite of what I thought.

When mislead, people can easily be sheep and sharks at the same time.

I guess I have been in that flock and shiver so it’s hard to be too upset, but still I am. I’m upset because I’m hurt. Fuck it all, if people want to follow a dumb ass.

Avengers was amazing!!!!! It was so good I had to see it twice. Classic comic come to life. You have your super heroes fighting each other before they realize that they need to come together. And the Hulk? When did he become so cool? Definitely not a fool.

Great stuff. Anything that makes me feel like a kid again in a candy store is an A+ to me. 

Picked him up from school today, haven’t seen him in eleven days.
I see the excitement in his face, my heart begins to race.
My vision gets blurred, my eyes start to burn.
He runs to me as I kneel down to catch him, and forever I want to hold him. 
We talked so much and for the life of me I didn’t remember how great he is.
We played and giggled and when it was time for bed he couldn’t calm his head.
So we laid there talking while his mother slept. 
Just before he went to sleep he said, “I really love you dad, but I need more juice.”

My son……. Already knows how to have me like putty in his hands. 

My return brought joy to me for I got to see those that bring joy to me. Yet eventually they all found complaints that just seem to criticize me. I know they just want more from me. Expectations of the perfect B blinds them to see what’s really going on in me. 

I want to be the best I can be for the ones who claim to love me, I do my best to be just that yet I always fall short, which brings a corrupt feeling within me. 

I know it’s not intentional from my side or theirs, but it still makes me feel like I’m not doing something right. Hey, if more than one person thinks I am then most likely I am not being to them what they need me to be. 

I wish they could see into my mind how much I admire them, love them them and respect them. Yet all that is seen is the lack of fulfillment of their expectations. 

Me: Ok so I got the black suit dude.
AC: Good stuff.
Me: Hey, does the tie have to be only black?
AC: Yeah it does.
Me: What the heck……Is Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones going to be there for this?
AC: No they couldn’t make it because of the premiere of Men in Black 3.  
Me: Touché 
AC: LOL 

Home is where the heart is they say. Where ever my little one is, is where my heart is. So I’m going home to where my heart is because this life even for 2 weeks is overwhelming to me. How do these people make it? All I think about is the ones I love. The ones I want to get home to. So I’m going home….. I finally have a home, it’s three years old.

Casually we talk about what you want; I keep what’s on my mind in hibernation.

You begin to bore me with the trivial things you sought me out to talk about. Now I wonder if you’re baiting me. 

If it is fishing you want then I will show you who is the fish and who is the fisherman. You’re like my brother but you’re nowhere close to being my better. 

“When I get back we need to have a talk,” I say. Your guilt takes over. No longer do you want to play this game with me. Now it’s become serious. “What or who you want to talk to me about?” I laugh in my head because I made your bed and silly you will not be able to rest your head. 

“When I come back I say, until then relax yourself, no one going to dead,” I said. I know you better than anyone of the fools you hang around with so I know this will eat at you for days until you see me. I want it to for the simple reason that you know what you do. You know what you say and most importantly you know when you wrong when it comes to me too. 

It’s twelve in the morning and you sending me BBM. Expectations will not be met for I am not ready to stop you from your nervous sweat. 

All I want from the people who aren’t my family but considered to be, is a level of honestly that I can only find in me. A level of respect that you want from me. 

So when I have you up at twelve in the morning because you just got to know, just know it’s me reminding you that your conscious isn’t complete dead.